I never had to try to act cool. I was born that way, and knew it…

Now, back in the Fifties there were some real cool cats runnin’ around. I guess I kinda admired ‘em some when they’d pull up in front of the old two-story house with the tar paper shingles that were supposed to look like bricks that we lived in at the time to drop off one or two of my older sisters in them convertibles and such. Yeah. Cool, all right. In eighth grade I grew a set of sideburns to go with my ducktail and the swoopin’ curl that hung over my eyes ‘cause I dug that Fifties shit. It was natural as hell for me to buy my first guitar when I was fourteen and saved enough from workin’ on the farm for the summer.

 I wanted to serenade a few of the local girls and started learnin’ a few chords. I didn’t know jack about keys and notes and chord progressions though, and them song books were a little confusin’ to me. Mainly I just made a lot of noise. Got kissed a number of times though.

Every time I did I fell right in love. But love didn’t last long; I always got in trouble for somethin’ and was in reform school twice already.

Abe was jakkin around with his black 1956 ford and listenin’ to the radio when I walked into the alley. “Hey Abe. What’s on the news?” He gave me a quick rundown of what he was hearin’ and we listened to more.

Newarkand Detroitburn and dozens die when the desperate black people loot and destroy their own damn neighborhoods. Wattswas happenin’. 485,000 Americans are in Viet Namand every week shipments of body bags are comin’ home along with the wounded and maimed. UFO’s are seen everywhere this year and last; cows butchered by ‘aliens’ leaving no trace of blood or guts or tracks anywhere around them and baffle the authorities. Motorcycle gangs terrorize small towns. Gas price rises to 32 cents and going higher. President Johnson is jacking up the country in speech after speech about why we are in Viet Nam. However, Viet Namis killing our friends and neighbors left and right. The California ‘Surfers’ introduce weed, along with their tunes to the Midwest and smoke rolls through the valleys, alleys, and down the dark sidewalks of town. Parks and cemeteries are filled with hippies all bagged up and bugged out from crabs, clap, and other crotch problems from all the ‘free love’ they can handle, and they smell bad. Love stinks. Rock ‘n Roll bands are so far out on the fringe from acid and beans, smoke ‘n coke and every kind of juice ever brewed that the music they play makes you want to jump right in the fire at the keg party.

 “Sounds like a bunch o’ gawd damn fun don’t it?” I said, “Turn that radio off before I puke.”

“When was the last time ya heard from ol’ Shirley?” I thought about Abe’s question for a few minutes. “Well, seems like it was right around Christmas time I s’pose. Right about the time I got that curfew ticket. All of a sudden she felt like she was robbin’ the cradle, she says, and lit out with that sleezebag from ‘Vegas. Said he was gonna make her a big-deal dancer in the Casinos. He was gonna make her more like a small time stripper and whore or I miss my guess. Fucker had ‘pimp’ wrote all over him.” “Too damn bad. You ‘n her were good together.” “Yeah. Damn good. She about buggered me to death though!” “Kept ya in shape, ya mean. Here, have another cold one. Let’s go see if Carol wants to get drunk wif us.”

It was summer already, and the grass was growin’ like weeds, robins were suckin’ them big slimy nightcrawlers outta the ground by the millions, the air smelled sweet, ants were crawlin’ all over the place, and I was eighteen a few months back.

I went to the probation office after they called and signed the release in June; I was free. I celebrated by squealin’ tires all overDubuque. I was gonna junk out the ’61 Dodge one day soon, ‘cause I had it just about beat to death.

Carol wanted to go but had to fix her ponytail and throw on a fresh sweater. His pa was loungin’ on the couch. I said hello to the Old Man and he said, “Hey, how ya doin’, ya fuckin’ bandit?”

He got up off the couch and sat on one end. “Sit yer sorry ass down there, boy! Bring that good lookin’ Shirley wif ya?” “Ah, no, I don’t think we’ll be seein’ her anymore, pop. She run off to Las Vegaswith a pimp. Said I was too young for her.” “The hell ya say! Well, she’ll do awright, boy. I’da give her a few bucks my own self, if ya know what I’m sayin’!” “Yeah, I know. She was a doll, fer sure. Ah well, I’m only eighteen, pop. I’ll find me another gal pretty soon. I must be gettin’ used to ‘em cuttin’ out on me though; this one only tore me up for six or seven weeks. Hear anything from Frank?” “Damned fool got three to fiveagain! Silly sumbitch! He’s gonna fuck around an’ spend half his life in the gawd damn joint. I never raised ‘em like that! Whatta ya been up to? Stayin’ outta trouble?”

“Got off parole, finally. I made it.” “Yeah, by the hair o’ yer fuckin’ teefe!” We laughed, and Abe came out dryin’ his face and grinned, “Ya got off, now we get down!” “Damn right, my friend. Free. Eighteen. No more Curfew or reform schools. Time to run wild in the streets!” “Fuckinaye!” We shook hands in a hard grip. Carol said, “My cousin fromFreeport is comin’ up for the weekend next week. Says she wants to party. Asked me if I knew any good lookin’ guys lookin’ for a good time. I told her all about you Frank, and she’s hot to meet ya. Be here next Friday afternoon on the bus.” “Cool! What’s she look like?” “I ain’t gonna tell ya. Don’t wanna get yer hopes up too high.” “She’s homely ain’t she?” “I ain’t sayin’,” she said with a grin, “come on, I’m ready to go.”

I turned the Dodge’s radio up. Buck Owens was jammin’ about havin’ a ‘Tiger By the Tail’. When I got squared away on the street I revved the old girl up a few times, rappin’ the pipes to get everybody lookin’ our way, and punched the jukebox drive, turnin’ the three hundred and five horses loose and slidin’ sideways in a big S and then back straight and shot up the street, the smoke from the burnin’ tires chokin’ the shit outta the bystanders, the block-long screech makin’ some people cover their ears. Five miles out I hooked a right on Rocky Road and drove down to the end where the old iron bridge sat, boards rotted away. The road had been closed a long time, and it was a hell of a place to park. We got out and walked down by the bridge. Abe said, “Some nice day we’ll have to take Carol up to the old Mill.” He got her by the hand. “Look up the river. There, on the other side. See it?” “Oh, wow, that old rock buildin’ way up there?” “Yeah. Used to have one of them big wood wheels on it for water power. Just a few chunks of it left now. Wanna go up there sometime?” “Any snakes?” “Just a few rattlers.” “Fuck you, I ain’t goin’ up there! Kee-rist, we live in a wilderness refuge; only wild sumbitch you guys ain’t told me about is bears.” I shook my head and Abe started smilin’. “One day we went ice fishin’ out at Turtle Pond and saw somethin’ black over on the hill and wondered what the hell it was. When we got tired of fishin’ and went over to hop the train we found tracks in the snow this fuckin’ long. Now, that wasn’t no damn dog or coyote or wolf. We figgered it was one of them black bears, but it coulda been a brown, too. We were pretty far away.” “I’m gettin’ back in the gawd damn car!” We all did, and I drove back up the winding gravel road to the Council Hill turn and shot left toward town.

Gettin’ close to the wicked city I saw some eyes in the headlights reflectin’ back at me and slowed way down to let the seven deer hop across the fence right before we got on Dewey by the Buck Hill turn, and stayed slow ‘cause of the bumpy sumbitchin’ thing they called a street. Crept all the way in to the stop sign, then rolled down by the Logan House. “Lotta people on the street.” “Yeah,” Abe said. “Got a band at the Musical Tap tonight. Wanna sneak in there later?” “Hell yeah. Country?” “Wouldn’t even think of it, otherwise.” I couldn’t find a place to park any closer than the Kraft lot and we had to walk a couple of blocks, but that was okay ‘cause the car was close to the Theatre. We went in the back door and walked past the small bandstand where Gladys was playin’ the accordian with bass, drums and electric guitar accompanyin’ her; the Country Kinfolk, as she sang that Patsy Cline song, ‘Walkin’ After Midnight’ only this red headed lady had jazzed it up and a dozen people were dancin’ up a storm at the end of the rectangular bar. We had to sit all the way up front and weren’t too happy about that; the cans were both in the back and every time Abe ‘n Carol wanted to dance they had to shove their way as politely as possible through the tightly packed crowd. After an hour and a half of strugglin’ through all that we left by the front door and strolled down the street toward the Theatre.

Howard and his wife came out of the Elks Club as we walked past and joined us. “Theatre?” “Yup. Starts after the show.” “Ain’t got much time, I better grab some brandy.” Howard drank Christian Brothers like water. He was the only guy fromGalenathat had been an Honor Guard at President Kennedy’s big funeral inWashington. I had seen ol’ John F. when I was a pup back in 1960 when he was in Shullsburg visitin’ the Fitzgerald’s and Kennedy’s up there but I never got to meet him, playin’ out in the yard with my cousins at the time. At ten years old I wouldn’t have cared if Gawd had just landed in a spaceship like he used to do all the time in them Bible stories. He was a distant cousin anyhow. When I was still in school everybody was always jakkin with me; “You related to the President?” When I said ‘yeah,’ the nosy fuckers didn’t believe me. That day he was shot though, some of the kids at school offered me their sympathy.

Howard was damn proud of that assignment, and never forgot it. He never bragged about it or nothin’ though.

We went to the ‘Dollar and got half a dozen six packs and some jugs of peppermint and brandy and went to the show. They were comin’ out in droves so we stood off to the side ‘til the rush was over and went in and up to the Cry Room to hide ‘til everybody was gone. Twenty minutes later John yelled up from the bottom of the steps, “I got the doors locked and the lights off! Come on down!”

Countin’ us there was nineteen guys and girls, and we all kicked in a little and Howard and Abe did the honors, ferryin’ a lot more beer across the street. We set all the stuff on the stage within easy reach and sat in the front rows. Mel was up there fuckin’ around in the projection room, and pretty soon Woody Woodpecker started runnin’ backwards across the screen. Dan and Pat walked down the slanted aisle trailed by a couple of gals they had picked up when they were cruisin’ Bentonin that slick white ’56 Olds ragtop of Dan’s earlier in the evenin’. Dan told me about it after he introduced them all around, “Yeah, once they got a feel of them soft red leather seats I couldn’t get rid of ‘em.” They all laughed, and Linda said, “That ain’t what I wanted to feel though!”

We got outta there around two ayem and got the Dodge fired up and cruised around town for a while, then went up to the penthouse and parked next to the black ‘56 Ford. Carol said, “You mize well take Frank’s room, Frank. Ain’t nobody usin’ it anymore.” “Fine. I’m about ready for a nap. See ya in the mornin’.”

We were gonna run out to Al’s after breakfast. The roads had dried up enough to get out there without a four wheel drive finally.

We got there about ten thirty, and Al was in the yard sittin’ in his chair thawin’ out in the sunshine. The ground was still too soft to drive up in the yard so we parked by the tunnel and walked up and he watched us comin’ with that big old smile. When he was excited his head wobbled on the skinny neck, and it was really movin’ today. After we all said hello and razzed him about seein’ Santa Claus and pokin’ reindeer he said, “I was wonderin’ if ya’d come out, it bein’ so nice ‘n all. Got any beer? Ain’t had one fer so long.” “Yeah, Al, we brought some out for ya. Ya been eatin’?” “Oh, yeah. Ain’t been drinkin’ though. Got any beer?”

We spent the day with him, cleanin’ up the fallen tree limbs and shit that had blown into the yard in the winter storms, and cut a lot of the wood into rough lengths for the bonfires with his old axe.

When the sun was on the horizon we had it pretty well spruced up, and Al said, “Are we gonna have a party?” He had polished off half the beer in the cooler. We told him about the muddy roads and soft shoulders. “Can’t ‘til next weekend, old pal. You can count on it then though.” We put him in the trailer so he wouldn’t hurt himself and went back to town.

We got to the card party at Karen and Chuck’s around eight and when Joe was dealin’ Chuck tossed in his discards. “You’re old enough to try to get a job down at Kelly now. When are ya gonna get serious and quit fuckin’ around? I was in that damn reform school myself ya know. Ya don’t have to let it ruin your life.” Chuck was right and I knew it. “I might be able to put in a good word for ya, if ya think yer ready to settle down.” “Yeah. That’d be awright. I think I am ready.” “I’ll get ya an application then.”

I had been kicked out of town for the last two and a half years, but now that I was off parole fromSt. Charlesthey couldn’t keep me away from my friends and family any longer; I needed an Illinois Driver’s License.

Monday I whizzed right through the test, usin’ my sister’s ’65 Rambler for the drivin’ part. Walked out of that office with my first Illinois Driver’s License and a set of Illinoisplates for the Dodge. Havin’ been born in IllinoisI felt like it was the right thing to do. I didn’t mind Iowabut this was my home, even though I had been kicked out. I called my boss that mornin’ and retired from the Hubbard sawmill. I planned on goin’ toFreeport to see about a job at the tire plant in a few days. I went to the Silver Dollar for an eye opener and shot the shit with Joe for a time.

I only had half a car full of stuff at Vi ‘n Denny’s to haul to Galena. I’d been livin’ light lately, movin’ a lot, and hadn’t collected much. Kinda liked it that way. One day I would get a house of my own and fill it up, but I wasn’t in a big hurry. Somebody played the jukebox, and I heard the Roy Orbison song, ‘Only The Lonely’ start. It hit me; I felt that way. Damn. All of a sudden I felt like I was lost. Hell with it; I started pourin’ ‘em down.

That week I finally talked my sister into sellin’ me the ’57 Chevy Sport Coupe. My brother John had put it in the ditch when he was home on leave and busted an axle, bangin’ up the rear quarter panels. It was a four door Hardtop, souped up Corvette 283 with high compression heads and a distributor with dual-point ignition, a big-ass four barrel carb, three speed stick column shifter, with a 4.11 posi-traction and would flat-ass fly. Lavender with a white top, it was damn pretty again after I cleaned it up and popped out the dents. Didn’t even hurt the paint. I felt like I had stolen it.

We had the first party out at Al’s on Friday night, a beautiful Spring weekend, ridin’ in style once again. Old Al was ready and waitin’. “Thought ya was comin’ out!” Me ‘n Abe got the big fuckin’ tent set up in no time and the fire goin’ strong by the time dusk rolled around, and pulled up a couple of lawn chairs. “Thought ya was goin’ to Kelly.” “Maybe later on. Not til’ Fall, anyway.” I grinned at him when he raised an eyebrow and shifted the weight on my lap, and LuAnn said, “Whatsamatter? Am I too heavy?”

Butch and Yolanda showed up around ten that night and threw up their pup tent. Abe watched ‘em for a while. “Ya know, she’s still walkin’ like she did before. Maybe she does have a bad leg.” I laughed, “You don’t really believe that, do ya?” “Naw. He’s pokin’ her in the ass, awright. Ain’t ya Butch?” “What?” “Never mind. Surprised to see yer still with the Mexican girl.” “Well, ya know, she’s a lotta fun.”

Eddie, Hawk and Louie had all made it home on leave and brought a keg of Blue Ribbon out to celebrate, findin’ the party rollin’ already and dove right in. Everyone congregated around Abe’s big fuckin’ tent, layin’ around in lawn chairs and on nearby stumps. Bernie and Steve walked up the hill and joined us. Ronnie T and John L were runnin’ with ‘em. They had been babies together; now they were gonna be bandits.

Ed and Hawk carried old Al over in his chair and set him right in the center of the mess, where the keg of Blue was restin’ in the washtub full of ice. They had thirty days leave. Most of ‘em were on their way toViet Namwhen they went back. Brother John was there already. Al was happier than he had ever been since retirin’ from theRail Road.

Tom and Sandy, his gal-pal from high school, arrived and joined us at the big fuckin’ tent. He brought out all the leftovers from his Ma’s restaurant and we scarfed the stuff up like we were starvin’ to death. He said, “Did ya hear what Johnson’s doin’? He’s gonna up the troops to a half a million next week. A whole lot more of ‘em are gonna come home in a body bag, you wait and see. Just hope I ain’t one of ‘em.” The other fellas home on leave didn’t say much, just nodded their heads and hoisted their brew. Al smiled and nodded his head too, “I’m half in the bag now!” That broke the spell and we headed for the keg.

LuAnn was a young lady with bright green eyes and long wavy dark brown hair sprinkled with gold, and she had a small mole on her left cheek that she got a ration of shit for sometimes ‘cause of the ones that Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor had. It was a ‘beauty mark’. On some girls somethin’ like that just added to their bad looks but LuAnn was a babe. A hundred and eighteen pounds of good lookin’. I couldn’t believe my luck when she stepped down outta the Continental Trailways that Friday. Carol and her had seen each other through the small window as the bus was pullin’ in at the Desoto House, and gave each other a big hug when they got together on the sidewalk. Me and Abe were waitin’ across the street at Burbach’s Restaurant, and he poked me in the ribs, “Jeezus, man, that can’t be her, can it?” “I fuckin’ hope so! Good-bye Shirley!”

Yeah. And here she was sittin’ on my lap. I already had a set of hickies on my neck from her and it was startin’ to get dark out. Abe and Carol had gone into the big fuckin’ tent, and I was gettin’ a little nervous. I knew her and me were gonna share a sleepin’ bag. “Uh, say LuAnn…you about ready to go lay down for a while?” “I am too heavy ain’t I?” “Naw! You’re perfect! I ain’t bullshittin’ ya! I mean it; I think you’re perfect. I think you’re beautiful. No shit. A real doll. The best lookin’…Mmm…” She almost choked me with her tongue, and then she got up off of me and drug me into the tent. Yeah. Whew. It don’t take much for a young fella to stop thinkin’ about one gal and start havin’ delusions about another one! By the time Saturday mornin’ came around I was filled up with this new girl. I couldn’t think about nothin’ else at all.

Abe slapped me on the back, “Hey!” “What? Oh, Abe. What’s happenin’?” “I asked ya if she’s as good as Shirley was.” “Whatta ya mean?” “Pokin’. Is she?” “Uh, well, I don’t know. We ain’t got around to it yet.” “What? Ya just spent the night together in a gawd damn sleepin’ bag! I heard ya’s gruntin’ an’ rollin’ around most of the night, fer kri-sakes!” “Well, yeah, but we were just kissin’ and stuff! We didn’t do nothin’.” Carol came out of the big fuckin’ tent and smiled at Abe, “LuAnn’s still a virgin, Abie-Baby.” “What I tell ya about that Abie-Baby shit?”

I never knew a real virgin before. I mean, both serious girlfriends I had were born horny and started early and practiced hard ‘til they got it down pat and were damned proud of it. Well, yeah, the girls in school, as we were growin’ up, but they didn’t count. Did they? I mean, so what if they were virgins? By the time I got interested in whether or not they were cherry I was outta school and down the road. Yeah, there were those I wished had liked me, and maybe they did, but they never said so. I was always gettin’ in trouble and didn’t think they liked me because of that, I s’pose.

Damn. A real virgin! She came out of the tent and smiled shyly at us, and I jumped to my feet and offered her the lawn chair. “Want a beer?” “Yeah, I guess so. You guys always drink beer for breakfast?” “Only here at Al’s, baby.” She smiled for me alone this time. I just sat there and grinned at her like a stoopid fucker for about ten minutes. Abe got her the beer. He had a stoopid grin on his face too but at least he could still move.

I came out of it then and asked her if she wanted me to kinda show her around and she nodded happily and we took off walkin’ toward the tunnel. She was amazed at the number and styles of the names painted there. “Is that you up there?” I didn’t wanna admit it but said, “Yeah. Lil’ Red. She run off to ‘Vegas with a pimp last winter.” “Aw, that’s too bad! I’m sorry!” “I ain’t. Not any more. I woulda never met you if she’d stayed around.” She came up next to me and tossed her arms around my neck and I could feel every square inch of her in that hug she gave me. Then she kissed me. I got that stoopid thing goin’ again and kinda just wandered around out there on the road with her for a while.

We climbed into my lavender Chevy and twiddled with the radio for a while, and then I went and got us some more brew and a couple of hot dawgs.

I went back to the car and slid in beside the little doll. “Here, try one of these.” She took the hot dawg and looked at it from several directions. “What is it?” “Well, Abe said it was a hot dawg.” “Looks like a shriveled-up dawg dick! I ain’t eatin’ that!” I got brave and said, “Wanna try this instead?” She eyed what I had a grip on and said, “Mmm!” “Maybe we better take another walk.” “Maybe we better!” So we did. This time we went half way to the Abbley house so nobody could find us.

Around dusk we found our way back, still holdin’ hands real tight, and bumpin’ hips as we walked, and stoppin’ every few feet for a kiss. I was dried out from the exertion and wanted a cold beer real bad but wasn’t gonna rush things and spoil one minute of the time I was with her. Yeah. She was a virgin. This mornin’. Not this afternoon. This afternoon she was ready to run off and marry me.

Right before ten that night she says, “Ain’t ya gettin’ tired? Boy, I sure am!” and she gave everybody this great big fuckin’ yawn to show ‘em how tired she was. “Yeah, I’m a lil’ tired my own self, I s’pose.” I took her hand and led her into the big fuckin’ tent, and Carol winked at her when we went past her ‘n Abe. Abe shook his head and took another swallow from his can, got up, and dragged Carol into the big fuckin’ tent right behind us. “Tired my achin’ ass,” he says with a big grin for us, and took Carol down with him to their nest.

“Do ya love me?” The whisper was barely audible, but so close to my ear her breath scorched me. “Yeah. Do you love me?” “Yeah.”

Carol said, “LuAnn, whatta you guys doin’ over there?” “Nothin’!” “Yeah. That’s what I thought. Well, don’t hurt yourself.” LuAnn giggled. I whispered in her ear, “Damn, I love you, LuAnn!” She shut my mouth with her own and not long after I felt myself driftin’ away, happy as a young fella can get. I did love her. Deeply. After all, I had heard on WLS the other day that this summer, 1967, was the ‘Summer of Love’, and yeah, I could dig it.

The Summer of Love. When I told my lil’ babe that the next mornin’ she smiled from ear to ear and said, “Carol wants me to stay all summer. Said she’d help me get a job at the Little Chef. Said they’re hirin’ all the time ‘cause nobody wants to work.” I grinned from ear to ear my own damn self and said, “Cool!”

Wasn’t no damn way I was goin’ to Freeport lookin’ for a job ‘til LuAnn went back home! Then I’d visit her after work! I had it all planned out in the blink of an eye, and after she got done with me I laid there almost comatose, stoopid again, and asked her to go steady with me. She teased me for about ten minutes and then climbed on me and said, “I was gonna cut yer sack off if ya didn’t ask me! Yeah….”

Damn; I had the prettiest car in town, the prettiest girl in town, and just happened to be one of the toughest boys in town, and ran around with the toughest. I was startin’ to become highly entertained. I had been gettin’ served inEast Dubuque and a few other places for four years now. Yeah, good times were happenin’.

I had to support my car though, and feed myself. I got a job at Duke Montgomery’s garage grindin’ iron castings from the foundry, where Abe and his brother Joe were workin’. We had a hell of a time at ol’ Duke’s place, and got paid to boot. He didn’t give a damn what hours we worked long as we got the job done. Some days when it was just too damn nice to work we’d take the afternoon off and head for the river with some cold beer. We’d discovered the old fur trading post down near the Galena River Junction when we were a few years younger and dug around down there lookin’ for artifacts now and then. Mostly we just tossed in the lines and laid back waitin’ on a strike.

LuAnn got that job and I was just about to the point of dancin’ and singin’ every night. She’d just turned eighteen too so we didn’t have to piss around with the curfew, and after we’d worked the magic on Joe at the ‘Dollar we took up our posts at our table again next to the jukebox, several nights a week. Hell, she looked like she was twenty-one, with that awesome bod. Ain’t no kid runnin’ around built like that! I seen Joe admirin’ her more’n once, and, knowin’ he’d been caught red-handed he set ‘em up for us a few times, grinnin’ at me like a shit-eatin’ dawg. I didn’t mind; she was damn fine to look at, from any man’s point of view. Made me kinda proud, as a matter of fact, to have other guys envyin’ me like that.

 I was beginnin’ to find out that little LuAnn had been born horny too; just got a late start. She was makin’ up for lost time, and by the second week she was in town I was comin’ close to bein’ bone tired. Abe almost felt sorry for me. No shit; I could see it in his eyes. When the girls got up to go piss I said, “Ain’ that right Abe? Ya kinda feel sorry for me, don’t ya?” “Yeah. Right along with alla them other guys that can’t keep their eyes offa her. Ya lucky sumbitch.” We had a good chuckle before they came back.

“Goin’ to the Fair?” “Been thinkin’ about it. Gotta save some cash though.” “Yeah. Cash. Maybe I’ll have a yard sale up behind the penthouse this weekend. Household Finance won’t quit fuckin’ wif me. Gave me a loan for all that furniture. Keep forgettin’ to make the damn payments. I’ll just get rid of the damn furniture!” “Hey! That ain’t a bad idea! I got some old shit I could get rid of! We can put the girls to work too!” “Naw. I ain’t that gawd damn broke!” says Abe. “Hell, I don’t mean like that! I mean at the yard sale!” “Let’s go get a case o’ beer an’ think about it.” I laughed and got up and followed him to the car. We climbed in the black ’56 Ford.

She was still a damn fine lookin’ car, thatVictoria, and the chrome wasn’t too bad yet. I never did see Abe have a good set of tires on anything though. “Hey, when we go to the Fair, we’re gonna take the Chevy.” “Fine wif me. Can almost see through these damn tires o’ mine.” “How’d ya know I was thinkin’ that?” He tapped his forehead and grinned, revved the Ford up to redline, and dumped the clutch. We smoked sideways outta the alley and almost ran down an old woman who was climbin’ the hill carryin’ a big sack of groceries from the Trading Post. “Whoops!” Abe says, and spun the wheel the other way.

Pete must have seen us comin’; he had a cold case of Pabst and two packs of Marlboro sittin’ on the counter and a big shit-eatin’ grin on his face. “Hi boys! Where we goin’ today?” “You wanna come wif us?” Abe says, and Pete says, “Just fuckin’ wif ya’s. Eight bucks.” “Better give us a bag o’ ice.” “Nine.” When we climbed back in the car I said, “Ya know, Abe, he’s about half fucked up.” “Naw. Three quarters. This’ll perk ‘im up.” He jacked the clutch and laid a slab all the way through the Stable Inn.

Last year I had taken little Judy to all the doin’s before she cut out with her ma and never came back. Then redheaded Shirley rode with me everywhere I went ‘til she skated with the pimp to ‘Vegas. I was kinda wonderin’ where LuAnn was gonna take me when Abe said, “Fair’s next week, ya know.” “Yeah. I got eighty bucks hid from ya.” “From me! Why you yellow-bellied, flea-bit, wind-broke, hoof-rotted, stump-jumpin’, bow-legged, orange-haired, buck-toothed, slot-eyed, hook-nosed, lantern-jawed, pigeon-toed, knock-kneed, lopp-eared, ridge-runnin’, bean-gobblin’, candy-swipin’, tool stealin’, gray-faced, satchel-assed, snot-suckin’ granny-snatcher!” “How much you got?” “Sixty-five. Ain’t like last year. We oughta see if we can get a card game goin’ down at Sam’s camp. Seen him around lately?” “Naw. He still drives for Kraft though, pickin’ up them milk cans. Want to try to catch him at five when he parks the truck?” Abe nodded and we went to the Silver Dollar to wait it out.

Umpsie,Potosi, Shorty, and ol’ Dynamite were in there passin’ the day with Doc, who asked us if we were buyin’. They all had nickel beers sittin’ in front of ‘em, ‘cept Doc. He wouldn’t touch nothin’ but 35 cent Thunderbird wine. I felt expansive and told Joe to set ‘em up, and got a round of applause from the bunch. Abe bought ‘em another, ‘cause they were pals of his Uncle the Kernel, and good ol’ boys regardless of their personal demons. A buck and a half well spent.

Paula and another four hunnerd pounder strolled in and plopped into the vacant chairs at our table. “Hey Abe. Frank. Ya’s gettin’ any?” “More’n I need,” Abe says. I looked them right in the eye and said, “So am I. What are you girls up to?” “Lookin’ fer some fuckin’, what else?” “Maybe them old fellas at the bar can help ya’s out.” “Yeah, right. Who’s that cutie we saw ya wif the other night Frank? She’s way too good lookin’ for ya.” “Oh, I don’t know. She thinks I’m the handsomest man she ever even seen. Of course, I have to agree with her. Don’t you?” “Ain’t too conceited, are ya?” “Nope. Convinced.” They got up and went to the bar, and squatted down next to the old drunks.

“Well, five to five. Ready?” I shoved my chair back and we headed for the back door and drifted down to the Kraft lot. “There he is, just pullin’ in.” I yelled, “Hey, Big Sam! What’s happenin’?” He knew somethin’ was up or we never would’ve come lookin’ for him, and jumped down out of the truck with a shit-eatin’ grin. “Hey guys. Party somewhere?” “Yeah. Your place.” “No shit? When?”

Abe told him about the fair and Sam said, “Yeah, I wanna go this year too. Ain’t got nobody to take though.” “There’s some girls at the ‘Dollar lookin’ for a good man.” “Hell, let’s go have a few!”

We climbed into our chairs soon as we got back and Sam looked around. “That them over at the bar?” “Yeah. Lookin’ fer some pokin’, they said.” “Damn,” says Sam, and got to his feet and went over and threw his arm around Paula, winkin’ at us over his shoulder. Abe says, “I wouldn’t wish that on anybody except Sam!” I got up and fed the jukebox. A few minutes later Sam came back with a round of beers and grinned, “Pussy’s pussy, even on a cow.” “Fuckin’ perv,” Abe said, and hoisted his Blue.

Friday night the game was on, and two kegs were on ice in the yard when we got there. I shut the Chevy down, removed LuAnn’s paw from my jeans, and got out and held the door for her. Sam whistled. “Where the fuck did ya find that?” “She found me. Didn’t ya babe?” “Yeah. He don’t know it yet but he’s stuck with me.” “Stuck on ya, that’s for sure. Well Sam, who’s got all the cash?” “They’re in the house playin’ awready.” “Let’s go, Abe. See if we can clean ‘em out.”

The way LuAnn hung over my shoulder and ran and got beer for me all night distracted the hell out of everyone but me ‘n Abe. I never even told her to do it. She was damn smart though and figgered it out for herself. Prob’ly saw that

Western where the whore was doin’ the same thing for the gambler that was cheatin’ like a mutha. I wasn’t cheatin’ though. Didn’t know how. I was just smart enough to watch the cards and not the babe bouncin’ around. I saw that Abe was havin’ a hard time not laughin’ a couple of times and tried not to grin at him. We both won, and by1 a.m.I shoved my chair back and said, “I quit. I ain’t got no more money to throw away on you assholes.”

They were workin’ on the second barrel and we joined the congregation. The fire was mellow, and we stood there quiet for a time, her leanin’ on me with her arm around my waist and her hand in my back pocket. Not the one where I kept my wallet either. That hand on my ass felt real nice. I put mine on hers. Yeah, real nice. Someone passed her a joint, and I watched to see what she’d do with it. She smelled it. She looked up at me, “Should we try it? I never smoked this shit before.” “Well, I sampled it once or twice. Here, I’ll show ya how it’s done.” A few minutes later I wiped my face and told her, “Jeeze, babe, it never made me puke like that before. Hey! What the hell was in that doobie?” Rabbit wandered over, “Wha’samatter, ya sick? Can’t take it, huh?” “What’d ya put in that dope, poison? Ya tryin’ to kill everybody off or what?” “That’s some o’ that shit from Messico.” “Tasted nasty. Sure made me barf.” “Prolly from the paraquat.” “The what?” “Aw, the Messican gover’ment sprays all the dope fields with weed killer. Fucks everything up, man. That’s the only dope on the streets. Ain’t bad when ya gets used to it.” “Kee-rist! You longhairs that hard up to fry yer brains? Keep that shit away from me and my sweetie.” We saw Sam puttin’ hickies on several of big Paula’s necks over by the trees. Abe shook his head and said, “Let’s get out of here and take a ride down by the rock.” “Good plan.” We climbed in the Chevy and I headed her nose toward the bottom of Chestnut Ski Resort and put her up the hill.

This was where Lil’ Red banged my brains out the night I met her. Didn’t bother me none though. I knew any trauma I might suffer would be taken care of right quick by LuAnn. I told her all about it when we found a seat and sat there watchin’ the stars. “Did ya love her a lot?” “Sure seemed like it at the time. Must have, I s’pose. Aw, she was too old for me though. Hell, I was only seventeen then, and she was always nervous about gettin’ caught molestin’ me.” “Did she?” “What?” “Molest ya!” I laughed, “Numerous times!” “Like this?” she whispered, and proceeded to show me what she was referrin’ to.

I had a fine hangover the next mornin’ when I climbed over her and crawled out of bed. I was spendin’ more time at the penthouse than at home. Well, they always say, ‘home is where the heart is’. I looked down at her and smiled. She sure had a good grip on mine. She knew I was standin’ there lookin’ at her I guess ‘cause she said, “Go piss. Hurry back.” I did. Both. “That quick enough for ya?” I don’t know why we always whispered like that when we were in bed. Prob’ly stemmed from buggerin’ in the tent when we knew Abe ‘n Carol could hear us if we weren’t real quiet or somethin’. Hell, it was fun sharin’ whispers and breath with this fantastic girl.

Carol had breakfast on the table and the smell of coffee dragged me to the kitchen where Abe ‘n the Old Man were countin’ dollar bills. “How’d ya do?” “Wait a minute…looks like two ninety seven. All ones.” “Well, it looks like a lot anyway. I got three twelve. It’ll work.” He laughed, “Fuckinaye. We’ll do it like the Corn Boil; two big coolers, but I want steak this time. Tired o’ them brats an’ hot dawgs all the time.” “Steak it is. Who’s cookin’?” “Who the fuck do ya think? The Old Man?” The old fella said, “Well, gawd dammit, I could do it! Keep an eye on yer damn beer fer ya’s too!” Abe grinned at me and I said, “Hell, why not? Gonna be there all day though, pop.” “If I gets tired I’ll crawl in the fuckin’ car!” “There ya go. Maybe ya can find some lovin’ out there.” “I’m seventy seven gawd damn years old, ya fuckin’ idjit!” Carol pulled her blouse out of her jeans and said, “Ya mean, if ya saw somethin’ like this it wouldn’t bother ya?” The old boy’s face turned as red as the ketchup bottle he was squeezin’ all over his scrambled eggs. He looked though. Took a good one. Then he picked up his fork and said, “Naw.” We all laughed. Hard. Him too.

He was cool. Always had been. Like Abe. Like me. “So. Ya wanna ride along with us today pop? Gonna cruise the back roads and drink some beer.” He thought about it. “Naw. Might have the big one watchin’ Carol piss. You go on, and hoist a couple for me.”

We took three turns aroundMain Street. Never got enough of smokin’ the tires from the stop sign ontoMainin Front of the Desoto House and scarin’ the crap out of people in the crosswalk. Laughin’ like hell we boogied up to Dillons and parked out back.

Abe took the cooler in and stuffed it with a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon bottles and a twelve pack of cans and topped it off with a bag of ice. He came back out to the car followed by Hawk. “I’m comin’ wif you guys.” “Cool, man!” I started smilin’ right off, knowin’ we were about to be highly entertained the rest of the day. It didn’t take long either. Before I got to the turn to Vinegar Hill he said, “Did I ever tell ya about the Injun buck that was out lookin’ for somethin’ to scalp?”

 He was ridin’ shotgun and looked around LuAnn at me. “Nope. Never heard nothin’ like that outta ya.” “Name was Chief Pokeatwatalot of the Lackanookie tribe down inTennessee. Only scalped wimmen. The white people called him the Tennessee Snatcher.” LuAnn poked him in the ribs and started gigglin’. He said, “The other day I rode the bus over in Dubuque and this good lookin’ redhead was sittin’ right behind me and we got talkin’ and ended up both gettin’ off at her place. After she banged me good she says, “Close yer eyes and you’ll get a big surprise,” so I went along wif her and shut ‘em and then felt somethin’ hot, tight, and wet wrap itself around my tool. I opened my eyeball and saw she was givin’ me some head and laid back and enjoyed hell outta it. Then she gets done and lifts her face and here she ain’t got no eye in one of the sockets! Then I see the glass eye she’s got in her hand. I jumps off the couch fuckin’ near ready to puke and threw my pants on and run for the door. She says, “Am I ever gonna see ya again?” I told her, “I don’t know. Maybe at the bus stop.” She says; “I’ll keep an eye out for ya!” Carol slapped him in the back of the head.

We made a run up through Shullsburg and went in to harass Lois for a couple hours, then crossed the street to Fritzy’s place and had a few. Said he was thinkin’ about buyin’ the Blue Bonnet over in Hazel green. “The old roadhouse has got room for a couple pool tables, and a pretty good dance floor. Rowdy sumbitch of a place though.” “When ya gonna take over?” “Like to do it right now but the old gal won’t be outta there ‘til the end o’ summer. Gotta squeeze out that last dollar.” Abe said, “Well, we’ll see ya there then. Like to go up for the music when the Kinfolk are playin’.” Fritz nodded and set up a round for us, takin’ a long and satisfyin’ look at the girls’ tits. “Nice lookin’ gals,” he says, and drifted down the bar to serve an old wino who was dyin’ of thirst.

I drove down the backroads to New Diggin’s when we left and we pulled into the boneyard to visit Don Keene and see if he had anything new in this week. Me ‘n Abe had been swappin’ cars with him and sellin’ junk there for a long damn time and he always liked to see us, knowin’ we never travelled light. I tossed him a cold can of Blue when we ducked into the shed and cleaned off an old milk can for LuAnn to perch her pretty ass on. Abe sat on a stack of tires and pulled Carol down on his lap. Hawk stood in the doorway; he didn’t want to chance gettin’ grease on his uniform. Right off Don says, “Some sumbitch broke in here and stole a whole damn pile o’ radiators a couple nights ago. Next day some sumbitch come in here wantin’ to sell me a whole damn pile o’ radiators.” I said, “What’d ya do?” “Bought ‘em.” “Why you crazy fucker, they was prob’ly the same damn radiators!” “Well, I got ‘em back, didn’t I?” He just plain didn’t give a fuck, long as he made a few bucks here and there. Spent most of his time haulin’ junk toDubuque and made out damn good at it. Had the best damn junkyard anywhere in the area. Had a roll of bills in his bib overalls pocket that would choke a horse at all times. Had a pint of Kessler’s in the other. At all times. Don was fun. “Ya got music this weekend Don?” “Yeah. Group from out inIowa. Thunderbirds or some damn thing. Guy said they was good so I hired ‘em.” “What guy?” “Guy from the band. I thought he was Buck Owens.”

“Don, Buck Owens ain’t from somewhere out in Iowa.” “Well, he said he was. Be here Friday night and Saturday both.” I said “We’ll be up.”
            Buck Owens my achin’ ass. The Thunderbirds were nothin’ more than four hillbillies from somewhere around Massey Station and sounded like they had just got together a few days beforeKeene hired ‘em. Loud though, and at least the bass player had a groove. We danced for an hour and a half Friday night. Then LuAnn hot-lipped my ear, “Ya wanna take me for a walk, Frankie?” I took her out across the street to the junkyard and led her back through the darkness to a car I had looked at a while back that was fairly clean yet and we climbed into the back seat of the ’48 Packard that had soft blue velvet seats and latched onto each other. The old dog knew we were there messin’ around and was barkin’ like only a junkyard dog can the whole while we were there. Music to bang by.

Lu liked to have me sing to her. Maybe all girls get off on stuff like that. We were out on the slab behind the penthouse that next mornin’ and I was tryin’ to work the kinks out of a song with my guitar. She sat nearby out of the way and just kept on smilin’ at me.

I never knew…a lady like you…

So damn sweet…but sexy too….

And lady when you kiss me…

You make me awful dizzy…

And I can’t think of nothin’

When you’re through….

I just wanna grab ya girl and screw!

“That’s kinda cute. Is it about me?” “You turn my mind into a big cottonball whenever you get close to me. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed!” “You make me feel like that too, ya know. Kinda mushy. We must really be in love, huh?” “No doubt about it! Hey, ya wanna go down to the Cozy and grab a strawberry malt?” “Let’s do it all; burgers and fries too!” “Come on!”

Pus Gut had a fair crowd in there and we had to sit in a booth three down from the jukebox. Duke of Earl rolled out of the speakers as we took our seat. “Mmm!” “What?” “That used to be my song! I love that sumbitch! Ain’t heard it for a while.” “You’re my Duke of Earl.”

I grinned at her while we chomped on the fries. “What?” “You make me feel like the Duke of Dick!” She almost choked she laughed so hard. Abe ‘n Carol came in and slid into the booth. “Fair starts in two days. Sam asked if him ‘n Paula could ride with us. I told him he’d better just throw a mattress in back of the milk truck and haul her over in that.” It was my turn to choke on the fries! When I quit laughin’ I asked him, “Really?” “Naw. Jus’ fuckin’ wif ya. I ain’t seen him. We gonna dob a wax job on the ’57 today?” “Good day for it. You girls wanna help?” They both agreed and after we finished lunch went up and drug out the hose and watered both of ‘em down good. Had a hell of a time that afternoon after they got over bein’ pissed at us.

The Old man came out on the porch to hoist a few with us. He sat on the old couch and leered at Carol and LuAnn as they swung their asses back ‘n forth rubbin’ hell outta the wax and said, “I ain’t never liked nothin’ better’n wet pussy. Unless its boiled scabbage and corn-holed beef.” I said, “Jee-zus kee-rist! I see where Abe gets all that shit from!” Carol mooned him. “Take that, ya ol’ buzzard!”

He still wanted to go to the Fair with us, too…

We drank two six-packs on the road to Warrenand had to stop and top off the cooler before we rode through the gate into the parkin’ area. I bought us an all-day pass and we joined the boisterous throng on the midway. A helluva nice carnival was set up and runnin’ strong and we started roamin’ among the stands spendin’ money and takin’ rides. The Old man tired quick after the Tilt-a-Whirl and Abe escorted him back to the closest beer tent and sat him in the shade. “Wake me up when ya’s want me to throw the meat on the grill,” he says, and rapped loudly on the plank bar; “Gimmee a gawd-damn beer over here willya sweetheart?” The elderly lady was about ready to tell whoever it was that yelled at her to fuck off when she eyeballed the old man and lit up with a smile. “Well, kiss my rosy red ass! How the hell ya been Art? Kee-rist, it’s gawd damn near thirty years, ain’t it?” Pop smiled fondly at the busty old gal. “Yeah. Ya still got damn fine tits on ya Wilma! Hey, ya wanna take a walk wif me later? Gotta cook some steaks fer the kids.” “Hell yeah. I get a break in a coupla hours or so.” Abe knew the ol’ boy was in good hands and strolled back to the games just as I knocked all the bottles off the bench. “Awright! What’d ya win?” “Another stuffed panda. Lu says she likes ‘em.” “Fuck she gonna do wif nine of ‘em?”

We wandered over to the stands and climbed up on top and watched ‘em gettin’ ready for the demo derby after the tractor pull was over, after a quick trip to the cooler to fill our beer bags. Lu says, “What the hell are they doin’?” I sucked on her lips for a bit before I answered, “They’re gonna destroy a bunch of neat old cars out there. Won’t be nothin’ left but mangled trash when they get done. Hell of a waste of good parts, if ya ask me.” “What is it, a race?” Abe nodded and told her, “Yeah. A race to see who can fuck up the most cars. Last one still runnin’ and movin’ a little is the winner.” “They’re gonna wreck ‘em? Are they nuts?!”

Sam and his younger brother climbed up and grabbed a seat after makin’ room for Paula and the other four hunnerd pounder. Abe says, “Bring the truck?” “How’d you know?” Paula’s necks were one big bruise from all the hickies Sam had given her over the last few days, and the other gal looked like she’d had a few introductory lessons herself from little bro’. Kinda soured my stomach a little… “See anyone else here fromGalena?” Sam was a little more than half drunk. Prob’ly from the excitement of finally havin’ a date. “Yeah! I saw Spider and Larry and Big Daddy and their ol’ ladies and Ed, Louie, Hawk, and Meat down at the one beer tent!” “Fuck, let’s go down there, Abe! Sounds like a reg’lar gawd damn party!” We all got up and took off down the stairs, and about ten minutes later saw Sam hoist his sweetie through the doorway. I yelled; “Over here Sam!”

“Refrigerator ass,” says Abe under his breath and took Carol’s arm and drug her to the tent. “Hey! Who’s buyin’?” Half the crowd recognized his voice and turned around. “Abe! What da fuck ya up to man? Hell, ya know it’s yer turn ya cheap fucker!”

Yeah. A reg’lar gawd damn party. Two hours passed fast and Abe told me, “I’m gonna check on the Ol’ Man an’ git them steaks burnin’. He wants to watch the derby wif us later.” We planned to have the whole damn group in one place in the stands, and everyone was stuffin’ beer cans in their ol’ lady’s purses and back pockets and some bags they had found at one of the stands. Couldn’t take no coolers in. Hell, that never stopped anyone from drinkin’! Why would anybody wanna watch that stoopid shit sober? I personally never wrecked a car unless I was in a gawd damn accident.

Here come Abe; “Come on, the meat’s burnin’, and that ol’ gal the Ol’ Man’s got down at the car got him near fucked to death. We gotta git ‘im away from her.” I couldn’t help laughin’, and Carol said, “I never shoulda showed him my tits!”

The race was on, and little LuAnn was bustin’ with excitement. She’d never even heard of a demolition derby before, and bein’ fairly ‘toxicated she went wild every time one of ‘em got smashed. She’d jump up and shake her tits and screech and throw beer cans and all kinda shit down over the heads of everyone in front of us and got alla the wimmen goin’ nuts before long. It was great! The guys started throwin’ shit and yellin’ too. Couldn’t help it. Abe threw the empty peppermint jug out over everybody’s heads and it busted on the track and three cars blew their tires runnin’ over the smashed glass and four more plowed into ‘em and two of ‘em rolled and smoke and fire billowed from the one that blew its gas tank. “Yeahhhh!!!” LuAnn screams…I had to pull her back down outta the way so I could see what the fuck was goin’ on! The Old Man was on his feet yellin’ shit too, and ol’ Wilma was shakin’ them monstrous mammaries like to bust. Wow. Best damn derby I ever even saw!

The Old Man slept like a baby all the way back toGalena, and every time

Carol looked at him to see if he was still breathin’ he had a smile on his face. “Well, I’m gawd damn glad it didn’t kill ‘im anyhow. Kinda like the ol’ sumbitch.” LuAnn was out like a light too, head restin’ on my thigh, and when we stopped in Apple River for a cold twelve-pack me ‘n Abe stuffed her in back with Carol and the Ol’ Man and Abe rode shotgun. I was yawnin’ pretty good when we saw the lights of town. I could never figger out why, since it was called the Jo Daviess County Fair, they didn’t hold the sumbitch inGalena, which was the County Seat, and asked Abe about it while I maneuvered the Chevy onto the slab behind the penthouse. Carefully. I was gettin’ pretty plastered.

“Well,” he says, “fucked if I know!” Didn’t take much to start laughin’ and we woke everybody up. “At least we won’t hafta carry ‘em up the steps!”

I woke early and after drainin’ off a case or two of beer I went back to bed and watched her sleep. She was so damn pretty! She opened those bright green eyes tinged with pink and moaned; “Ohhhmyfuckinheadhurts!”  ““Did ya have fun sweetheart?” “Must have! Did you?” “You were the best part of it all, when ya went nuts at the derby and got everyone goin’ crazy along with ya. It was the best time I ever remember havin’. ‘Cept when we bugger.” “Yeah. Nothin’ beats that……….uh……ya wanna ?” “Damn right baby. It is, after all, the Summer of Love!”

Later, “You alive in there?” a muffled voice said, and I got up and opened the door, “Hey, Abe! You look sicker’n a dawg, man!” He scratched his belly and said, “So do you! Ya’s want breakfast or not? Sumbitch is gettin’ cold.” “Yeah. Be right out.”

The Old man never got outta bed ‘til we were about ready to hit Boze’s for a coupla Bromos. “Ya fuckin’ bandits,” he muttered and slid onto the couch and closed his eyes. “He awright?” “Yeah, just fucked silly is all. Ain’t been laid in about fifteen years. Come on, let’s get outta here.”

The Chevy was a mess, beer cans rollin’ all over the place and stuffed bears and shit strewn everywhere. “Better take the Ford, Abe. I ain’t up to cleanin’ that stuff up just yet.” LuAnn grabbed one of the bears and tucked it under her arm and tucked her other arm under mine, “Well? Whatta we waitin’ for?” Carol said, “After last night, I’m waitin’ til Chrismus!” Abe grinned, “Aw, I wasn’t that rough on ya!”

Boze didn’t very often allow wimmen in the Pool Hall, on the off-chance one of the pool players might yell “Fuck!” Yeah, it slipped out once in a while when somebody missed a shot he had five bucks ridin’ on. The ‘Rules’ were plainly displayed above the billiard table, and one of them told everyone there was to be ‘No Gawd Damn Cussin’! Never stopped anybody I knew, but the sign made Maggie happy I s’pose. Abe said, “Gimme a fuckin’ Bromo Boze! Git us all one!” Boze grinned at LuAnn, smiled at Carol, scowled at Abe, ignored me, and started cookin’ ‘em. I said, “I want two of ‘em!”

We sat in the shade out behind the Hot Dog stand behind Webster’s Barber Shop next to the Cozy and watched folk walk by for a while, kinda confused about what we was gonna do the rest of the day. Pretty hard to imagine anything that didn’t involve suckin’ down a coupla cases of beer, ‘specially with the girls. “I ain’t drinkin’ today.” Everbody looked Carol’s way. “How come?” said ol’ Innocent Abe. “Cause my gawd damn head feels like its got a gawd damn axe buried in it, that’s how come. Why don’t we go swimmin’ and have a picnic or somethin’?” I looked quizzically at my babe and she said, “Hell yeah! Ain’t we gonna git no beer though?” I grinned, “That’s the spirit! Yeah, Carol, we can get some pop for ya if ya want. Whatta ya say Abe?” “Let’s boogie.”